Rock Piles in the Valley

     As I sit here tonight in the dimly lit room, sounds of a zipper scraping against the inside of my dryer as it turns ’round and ’round and a faint sound of kids and a Christmas Mickey Mouse movie playing down the hall play a part in the background melody of my mind.

rocks

*ahem…watch the videos posted at the end to understand my post title…it’s just where my thoughts and heart are this week*

     It has been over two weeks since my husband was here and I am feeling the pangs of withdrawal from his husbandly and fatherly presence much sooner than the last time he had a job position such as this.

Last time, somehow, by God’s Grace, we got through after nine months of being separated with the occasional couple days here, couple days there home time.

Not that it was worse than when he was deployed years ago, but in a way it hurt just as much on my insides because we had grown closer.

   Now two years later, doing this again...you can guess…we are even closer and so the distance between us sometimes causes me to feel like a knotted ball is sitting in my gut.

Not a pretty picture, I know.

Tonight is one of those nights where I need to be super real.

I have had so much on my mind, my heart.. that I have been putting some of what God has been saying to me in a single, long awaited blog post…but it isn’t finished yet and is quite the novel-in-the-making right now.

In other words, that is for another time and this is for now.

I felt the urge to write…like…something I can feel free to say right now, in this moment.

Though my heart yearns for him, I know there has to be a reason for this or God wouldn’t have allowed us to walk through this door.  Because the cool thing about my God is that even if you take a wrong turn, He can work it all out for the good. We love Him and we truly do desire His direction!

{read Romans 8:28}

It is a night for a pep talk. To myself.

I must keep saying out loud:

I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

I can…

  • get through this toddler potty training phase successfully
  • guiltlessly take some time with God and my coffee in the morning before attempting to teach 2 kiddos, 1 of which is getting over the hump of learning to read…
  • close my eyes and breathe deep while I pray in various ways as my children test my nerves to their very core
  • keep my calm and declare order in this house even though I don’t always feel it or see it’s fruit right away
  • let the kids help me more, instead of being a perfectionist and trying to do it all myself
  • embrace the fact that I am a single person who can’t do everything
  • lean on God during these tough days where I only get to speak to my husband but a few minutes here and there
  • retrain my brain to not dwell on the negative but how blessed we truly are
  • still be an encouragement to other people even when I actually need it too
  • be weak, fragile and broken and still be used as a vessel for God
  • accept the fact that I do not have to have it all together to go out in public, otherwise from this day forth, I may never venture out again!
  • learn to rest in God
  • stop trying so hard and just BE
  • learn to have more fun and be less uptight and perfectionistic
  • allow my kids to get a little messy while they are learning because I am hoping and thinking that is how my Abba Father is as well with me
  • allow the Holy Spirit to help me react in ways that glorify God, rather than bring hurt and shame to my kids and myself
  • tell the judge that tries to set up camp in my head to SHUT UP
  • be free from all the lies that so easily entangle me because God’s Word says so {Hebrews 12:1}
  • feel excited when I get up and things seem to go smoothly that day
  • allow myself to have days where I need to recharge, which might mean not changing out of my pajamas because I do not currently nor ever have lived lavishly enough to be able to afford those spa and couple weekend getaways the people usually try to do when they really just need TIME away or together or…..
  • still be thankful and hopeful even when it is hard, a lot, over and over….because it isn’t just about this life on earth, or just my life, and I am sure there are others who would trade my “hard” in a heartbeat for theirs
  • go to God with my cares, worries and concerns before I puke it out on my husband who already feels like he is doing the best he can
  • use my short phone time with my husband wisely by building him up verbally in God
  • choose to wait to talk about more difficult things when the time is best instead of being selfish and unloading on him whenever I feel
  • play with my kids more
  • stay of social media more because it helps me live in the present moment of life, where I am…more
  • say no to guilt when it tries to be-raid me and make me feel like a puny mom and woman
  • learn to walk in bold faith more and more
  • say no to fear, self-judgement
  • receive God’s Grace and Peace and know that He is there with me every step of this journey
  • write from the heart without covering up, being a perfectionist, or comparing myself to others
  • be me, because God made me
  • look at the people God has used in the past and know that He obviously uses us IN the journey, not just after we have reached some great and marvelous spiritual point of maturity, although I long for maturity
  • trust in Him because He sees the big picture
  • learn to be still, to hush the loudness, to go away with Him, to hear Him better…
  • accept that I am still learning to hear Him better, and believe He is truly helping me
  • stop trying to appease people and meet the world’s expectations and standards
  • always keep going back to the Word of God for direction and comfort
  • find comfort and rest in praying to my Lord Jesus who knows what is going on inside of me, even more than I

Love & Blessings, Meg


Here are two videos from

http://www.ihopkc.org – International House of Prayer /Kansas City

that have encouraged me a great deal and I pray that you watch them because they are truly a blessing if you are going through some rough roads right now.

Part 1: Is That Really You, Lord?

http://www.ihopkc.org/resources/asset/2015_11_22_1030_MSG_FCF/auto/true/

Part 2: Piles of Rocks Have a Purpose

http://www.ihopkc.org/resources/asset/2015_11_29_1030_MSG_FCF_2/auto/true/

 

 

 


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