Well, my hubs was home for 2 days plus a partial and we took him back to his truck this morn. Things are much harder when he is away, but as we both discussed last night, this is paying our bills right now and I am learning how to respect him when he really believes he is doing what is right right now (1 Peter 3:1-6), and I am learning to trust God with lots of things.
Learning to trust God with my husband, for one. Not just physically but spiritually. And God gave me a little glimpse of light tonight when I called him and asked what he was doing. He replied, “Reading Philippians.”
He probably didn’t realize how happy that made me. Maybe this job does have it up sides. One being, he can have undivided, quite time with God.
We still aren’t quite on the same page as far as goals and visions are concerned but as I said before, I think God is wanting to teach me some things in this season.
When Matt and I talk on the phone sometimes, I find myself wanting to just shoot back verbally when I have a disagreement, but I am reminded of 1 Peter 3:5-6 particularly. The holy women a long time ago didn’t worry about outer appearances so much but focused on their hearts. They trusted the authority of their husbands and didn’t fear what might happen. That is huge. And I can’t unknow this scripture. It is there. And God puts it right back in my head to whisper to me sometimes.
Honestly, I am pooped.
It would be so much easier for Matt to quit this job and come home and get another one where he isn’t required to be gone for so long.
Or would it?
God knows best, even when it doesn’t make sense or seem like the smoothest route to us.
I have been whining lately, and when I catch myself, I try to think about how good we have it compared to some other unknown scenario we may be facing. *Thought, this one we are journeying in currently was unknown at one point*
And with home schooling, all the house work, the new toddler tantrums, the kids arguing and back-talking (yes, I am admitting this here…was reading that I should be more transparent so here you have it….I am not supermom with perfect kids….they are still kids with parents who desperately need a getaway and good, wholesome parenting class with tips and free giveaways…), running a small business, cooking, servant leadership responsibilities and also…working outside the home every other weekend….things can get, well….a little chaotic.
Yeah. I know. It sounds crazy.
Every time I feel like giving up though, right there in that moment right before I think the end is coming….God swoops in to save me.
Just like tonight for example.
I am teaching children’s church tomorrow. I felt like with the chaos lately there was no way I was going to be able to do this. But somehow by God’s Grace, everything is ready to go.
I even thought ahead and wanted to have the tithe check wrote out! (otherwise I am the mom who keeps forgetting and then when I get to church I don’t have time before the plate is passed and I fight off guilt for the next few days and ask God to help me next time…)
Oh the things we moms go through.
Oh the things we go through that we do not have to put ourselves through.
When I feel like the world is coming to an end and there is no way I can go another day like this without my husband here, or sometimes even when he is here….
….God reminds me He loves me too much to leave me in that state and He gently leads me to His Word and envelopes me with pleasant peace from above.
Thank you Lord.
And PS: I have been and am still praying about if there is something I need to lay down at God’s feet, in order that I might not be over-worked etc, and I know He will show me in good time (it has been about 6 months of praying..and since I was always the girl who ran when things got hard, I have been trying my best to lean on God through this one and wait until HE tells me…)
And PSS: I hope this blog post didn’t come across as stuck up or something. It is 11pm and I am tired and the hamsters we just bought are finally away, running loudly in there wheel as I type….and though I didn’t “feel” like blogging, Lysa Terkeurst’s advice was ringing in my ears: make writing a habit, just do it, don’t worry about being perfect- just be real.