Married but Single.

I have a confession to make. Will this be too much info? I don’t know. But I can’t edit my life to death anymore. I have spoken to my heavenly Father and to my husband – and I have the go to share.

I can’t pretend. I have never done well with it.  My mom could always read me like a book. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve.

This past few weeks I have been battling something. Many of you may have battled with this too. Gotten weak.

I have been growing weary. Getting tired of doing good. The funny thing is, it doesn’t apply to my hands hitting the keyboard, opening my Bible or jamming to worship music.

No. It is in the hard part.

Application.

{In my marriage.}

I need prayer, friends.

I have stumbled over the “not wanting to go first” move.  I got tired of being the one to apologize first. Being the one to compliment first. Being the one to show love first.

This sounds so gross I know. So, unchristian.

As the words appear against the white background, I can have peace about it because we are working it out, us and God, but I am sharing because maybe you too, have grown weary and weak.

You need to know you are not alone.

Everyone experiences this from time to time, otherwise God would not have put it in His word for something to be on the lookout for.

Galatians 6:9 The Voice

May we never tire of doing what is good and right before our Lord because in His season we shall bring in a great harvest if we can just persist.”

2 Thessalonians 3:13 The Voice

And to the rest of you, brothers and sisters, never grow tired of doing good.”

 

John Piper says this, “Vacationers get tired of sunsets, millionaires get tired of money, kids gets tired of toys, and Christians get tired of doing good.”

 

In Meghan’s head //

Yes, we hear the Holy Spirit despite the struggles…

Let go, Meghan. Release your death grip on your husband’s soul. Trust that, I your Father, will finish the work that He began in Him too.  That scripture was not just for you, darling child. I know you start to panic about him when you don’t see the fruits you think he should have, when you don’t feel loved in the way you think is best. Be cautious. You have gotten your eyes off of what ways I want to work in you and the good changes that I can do in your own heart.  If you start to obsess over him and what he is not doing, you may become numb to your own need of Me.

Quote

~

Meghan, when you live in a way that says you will not be satisfied unless he changes x, y & z – that is not love.  Love does not keep record of wrongs.

Love doesn’t keep focus on the negative. I created him. I know him better than you do, daughter.

But God, I am tired. I keep praying. But-

You pray but then complain. Stop. Give me time to work.  You speak the words of heaven and are sabotaging the hopeful things you declare.

Pray, believe and trust. Then, show you trust by living for me. Don’t look to the left or to the right, but keep your eyes on the Prize, me – Jesus.

Pray for him. Don’t go by what is on the outside. I don’t see people the way you do.

~

I know how to live in a way that produces life, not death. So why do I fall back into this old pattern?

It happens when I get my eyes off of the good things my husband does. 

Then, it is like I am surfing atop a huge, white snowball going down Mount Everest. There’s no stopping in until something snaps me out of it.

God has been faithful to reign me back in each time, but not before I have done damage with my mouth, which I myself caused.

Proverbs 11:27 The Voice

Those who seek good find the goodwill of others, but those who look for evil are sure to find it.”

~

Afterthoughts //

Thankfully, oh thankfully – My husband has overlooked the offenses of me being offended so much lately.  When my eyes are open to the truth, I feel shame for the way I have behaved, no matter if he did wrong or not. No one deserves to be talked down to.  I am blessed that he forgives so quickly.

Since the thick of this battle, God has enabled me to make a step forward in the right direction.  This morning I got up before everyone else and cooked a big breakfast.  The best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so they say.

We ate and drank coffee together before praying so he could head back out on the road.  We used to do this often when he had a home daily job, but I guess when we got out of the habit of this small yet huge routine – it really did effect us.

I hope we can get creative and connect better. 

One thing I have learned through this long distance marriage thing is that on each end, there must be a filling up of the spirit in order to pour back into the other.

I was doing that for everyone else in my life, but when he would get a moment I would just unload on him. All.the.weeks.baggage.

It is hard when couples don’t see each other but a couple days at a time. You literally have to pick and choose what is really important during that short time. Many times we don’t want to get a babysitter because the kids already see him so little, but I think we may need to start actually scheduling a date once a month.

Something has to change. And they say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

We can do what we can in our situation, and trust God to do what we can’t.

I hope you’ll still be my friend even after reading my blah-of-a-wife confession.  Like I said, I don’t do fake.  Maybe that’s why I am drawn to people who share openly about their struggles too. Because none of us are exempt.

Now that I have confronted this issue in my life and have a face to face accountability friend, I am hoping I can write honestly and share what God has been doing while my hubby has been gone.  Ironically, it is the discovery of Godly happiness.  Funny how we humans can shelve things in our lives.

Maybe the next post will be happier!

Prayer:

Father,

Thank you for being so patient with me. With us. For allowing us to continue to grow despite the struggles we face in our marriage and in our life.  Help us to really love the other by putting the other person first. It is hard, especially after doing it for a time, so strengthen each of us and let your Holy Spirit dump loads of joy and cheer inside of us so that we can remember how great it is that we have each other. Break off the lies that says marriage is bondage, marriage hurts and marriage is being stuck.  Replace those lies with your promises and truth that two became one, a three strand chord can not be easily broken, and that you will finish the good work you started in each of us.

In Jesus name,

Amen.

Signature


Meghan knows she is not single. She just wrote this in a way that best conveyed her feelings and her reality. She knows words matter. She knows her mindset matters.  She also knows God is not scared of her journal.

 

Quote taken from:

John Piper // http://www.desiringgod.org/messages/do-not-grow-weary-in-well-doing

Also, if you like super awesome preaching from people who don’t hold back – check out Elevation Church’s sermons by Steven and & Holly Furtick.  Being home a lot and in a small church where there is not lots of inreach at the moment, I have found these to be helpful. I discovered Elevation from Lysa TerKeurst. This is her home church.


Linked at OpenMicMonday

 


12 thoughts on “Married but Single.

  1. Meg, your transparency is admired and honored. Thank you for opening up your hearts and your thoughts on this. I love this: “on each end, there must be a filling up of the spirit in order to pour back into the other.” Amen. Amen that I need to practice this when I live in the same household as my hubs.

    You will be blessed immensely for your courage and your honor to your marriage. I admire you and will stand up in prayer with you and over you. God bless your marriage to the fullest, brave one.

    Thank you, Jesus.

    xoxoxo

    1. Thank you, Carolina! I was shaking as I wrote this I will admit. I appreciate your prayers very much. I’m lifting you up too, friend! I get so misty-eyed thinking of the community God has led me to in just a short time. #soblessed Have a great week, Carolina. 🙂 🙂 🙂

  2. Meg, this is refreshingly encouraging. Thank you for being so honest. I don’t think there’s one married couple of faith who hasn’t been down such a road. It’s hard to pull back and speak life-giving truth into our weary hearts, to seek God’s wisdom, when it’s so much easier to complain and point the finger.

    My husband isn’t a believer, but in many ways I’m seeing the Biblical call to submit to our husbands bring blessing. God speaks through our husbands, where we give them space to do so.

    I so hear your weary heart too though…I’m finding the getting up early to sit with God bringing much-needed refreshing this holiday.

    1. Anna, you are right my friend. I think the enemy had me believing I was the only believer battling these thoughts and things for a while. I need to let God renew my mind each day so I can focus the life-giving things as you said! Thanks for stopping by and being an encouragement to me! I will be praying for you and your hubby too!

  3. BTW I’ve been meditating on this verse today and it’s been good for my weary heart:
    Psalm 89: 15- 16
    Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O LORD.
    They rejoice in your name all day long;
    they rejoice in your righteousness.

    1. This is marvelous, Anna! I love the Psalms and can’t get enough! We are moving very soon and I hope to make some art with these scriptures that remind me of the truth – and hand them all around the new house. God bless you friend! I pray your weary heart feels God’s presence and that the peace that passes all understanding envelopes your spirit.

  4. Meg, I well remember these kinds of struggles in the earlier parts of my marriage. But do you know, that even after almost 38 years together, my husband and I still walk the tightrope of learning to see the other’s perspective. It seems that I never stop learning these lessons, over and over again! God is SO Faithful to keep pointing us back to HIS perspective and to HIS Love that covers us all! Thank you for being so vulnerable and open, because as you say, we are not the only ones facing these lessons. Your encouragement is so valuable! –Much Blessing to you!

    1. Bettie, thank you for sharing your story here. It actually brings hope to me, that we aren’t just crazy and trust in God is something a couple can choose to do daily for as long as we live. I know He will be faithful and keep growing us, I really can see the small yet huge changes. I have to learn better to recognize when my perspective is off, when I am focused on the flaws. I keep going back to this thought: I wouldn’t want God to point my flaws out would I? So thank you for being an encouragement today to me. I value everyone’s words so much!

  5. I don’t think truer words have ever been spoken my dear… And I love the Elisabeth Elliot quote…So often I look around like everything depends on me (even my husband’s happiness) when in reality– nothing is truly in my control except my own thinking and everything is better off in God’s hands (including my husband)! The struggle is real and very much shared. I got so caught up the other day thinking something regarding my husband went south because I didn’t pray enough…. [insert eye roll here…! Seriously… it’s a struggle to leave things in God’s hands and not take fake ownership! I totally get that!] Thank you for having the courage to speak truth–ugly as it seems sometimes, God can reclaim anything and everything hidden will be revealed so I’m learning it’s much better to confess openly, honestly and urgently to my God so that the devil doesn’t get a foothold! The more we pray for our husbands- praising God and affirming them, I’m assured that God will in fact remember us and give us just the strength we need. xoxo my friend! Praying!

    1. Thank you for sharing your heart, Heather. Though I don’t wish hardship on anyone it helps to know people have been there and are praying out of sheer, raw experience. Yes, God can reclaim anything! I firmly believe too that He will come through, as we keep persevering. Going forward will bring more hope than quitting ever could. That’s what I keep reminding myself when my flesh rises up. Thanks girl!!! Blessings~Meg

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