The early morning sunshine sneaked past a tiny sliver in the wooden blinds, which were still shut. The movement on the bed proved a certain toddler had found her way into our bedroom and had decided to finish sleeping with mama.
Feeling too chilly to stay put on moment longer, I carefully rolled off the bed onto my feet and retucked in that cute, little toddler. Grabbing all things sticky notes, notepad, pen and Bible – I quietly crept down the hallway to the dining room table.
I lay my things down and found the coffee pot, saying my morning hello – and being thankful for its existence. I took a minute to gaze around the new house God had blessed us with. Breathing in the gift of today, my heart swelled up with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Shuffling over to open one of the wooden blinds, the light broke through, and I could hear the sound of the outside crickets as the sound of the dripping coffee joined in.
What a delight to have time with my Father in the stillness of the morning. If anything besides Christmas morning gets me up and going with a anticipatory heartbeat, it’s everyday that I get up early before the kids -to experience this priceless and much needed quiet.
~ Desiring for Transformation ~
The Lord has been showing me lately that He does indeed hear my prayers for my husband, my longings and cries – but that He is wanting to do a work in me. And if I will trust my husband into His hands, I can focus on being obedient in my own thoughts and actions, so God can accomplish His purposes in me.
I desire much to be led, to go with God’s flow rather to chomp at the bit and fight against Him, because all He wants is for my benefit. In my marriage, it is for our benefit.
But if I am consistently focused on what my husband is not doing, it is not going to ever produce the character qualities I long to have as his wife. What kind of benefit of a wife am I if all I ever do is pull out the negative things my husband does?
How did I get this way? What happened?
It happened the day I thought I was better than him.
And that just isn’t true.
Obviously, I never really said that I was better than him, but basically that is what was in my heart as I justified my bad attitude and repeatedly brought to the forefront the things he still hadn’t changed.
As I type this, it feels ugly. I can see where there is healing in writing, in praying. In admitting out sins, our faults to one another – because I know good and well that our God does not treat us in the way I have been treating hubby.
In fact He is quite the opposite. Patient, kind, steadfast, long-suffering, gentle, merciful, and the list goes on. I don’t want to keep messing up in my attitude and actions. I do want to become a better wife, to grow and to bud and blossom thereby becoming a blessing to him.
I am not talking perfectionist-stuff this time, y’all.
I am talking, I want to quite tripping over these same stumbling blocks. I realize it is hard each week that my hubby is gone, I have to sort of be both mom and dad in a sense, and then readjust when he gets home on the weekends, -but that is no excuse for how I behave when he gets here.
It’s like my expectations and cares are unloaded on him, rather than me making him feel welcome and having a servant’s heart towards him.
I will chose to give myself grace right now and not dwell on all the times I have messed up, but celebrate in that I recognize an issue here and do not want to stay where I am, but want to learn and grow from it.
Tonight I had Zuppa Tuscana soup made for him when he came home. I intentionally spoke good things, and told the kids to let their happy mood let loose to set the tone. I prayed and remembered what God’s Word said about building up and not tearing down. I listened and tried to understand when he wanted to talk about the ball game.
Can I get an amen?
I can do my best and let God do the rest.
My mind keeps going back to Proverbs 31. That blessed woman. I so long to be like her, and I do inwardly smile a lot, like yesterday when I was outside working with my hands half the day while the kids caught more tadpoles in the creek.
I tend to feel like I am being more fruitful and productive when I am not swimming in chaos, when I am not overwhelmed. When I have not taken on too much that I can not handle, but have a few priorities to focus on and put energy into.
While I was painting an old popcorn tin to make a waste basket, I decided to listen to a Focus on the Family podcast. I typically find delight in making the most of my time as much as possible so if I can learn while I do my thing, that is what brings me extreme happiness.
But how can I get this overflowing happiness to flow into my relationship with my husband? Because I want my husband to see this side of me, not just the nag side, which I know God says is worse than a constant dripping water -ouch.
It is by getting my eyes off of the negative and seeing him as God sees him. Washed in the cleansing blood of the Lamb. It is by realizing how blessed I am to have him in my life.
Proverbs 11:27 The Message
“The one who seeks good finds delight;
the student of evil becomes evil.”
When I read that verse this time, it was like the Lord saying to me: Which are you going to study and focus on in your husband? Which are you going to learn more about?
I know marriage, life – won’t be flawless. I get that. But it is high time I stop trying to take the chisel out of God’s hands.
Here I am, Father. Help me to grow. Your fruits. In your time.
~ Reflection & Redirection ~
When things are hard it can be more difficult to see how God could ever possibly be working in those moments. But through a long, difficult summer –see here– by the Grace of God we made it to August, a brand new season in our families lives.
I was led to the book of Ruth this morning. Maybe because I recently read how it was thought that she may be the woman who King Solomon wrote about in Proverbs 31.
As I said, my mind keeps going back to her and after I read some of Ruth, I began pondering on some parallels. Parallels in the life of Ruth’s and ours, and parallels in how Ruth and Boaz are a picture of Christ and His bride.
I would love to dig deeper, to glean more here and see what God has to say. I feel like that is where God wants me to focus for a bit.
By being proactive, I can intentionally be the best me that I can be for the benefit of my family. -Tweet This
For however long the Spirit leads -we are going to delve into Ruth, starting at the beginning and working our way through. My hope and expectation is that this will lay a more thorough foundation for a study of the Proverbs 31 woman.
I am one to like the backstory. Wink, wink.
Join me back here on 6.9.16 for #TeaAndWord Tuesday and let’s break bread together shall we?
Linking up @ Fresh Market Friday ~