Why Do I Save Prayer for a Last Resort?
Let’s rephrase that: What Am I Doing When I Find Myself Saving Prayer for the Last Resort?
Honest answer: I have let my mind go too far. I have let my worries run away with it and have not realized the severity of the situation until after I find myself pacing the floor, spouting off negatives, occasionally barking at the kids. AKA: Fight the wrong way.
Notice, this is all happening like second nature which means, I have mulled around like this for far too long and become numb to the unhealthy pattern that is happening.
When I stay in prayer and remember to feed on God’s truth daily, it is much harder to let myself get into this nasty pattern because the truth out weighs the lies and anxiety.
When I get out of rhythm and routine and become overly busy with my own ways, not thinking it will be a big deal to let God’s word [daily reading for example] go for a day or two, it seems to turn into longer than my original intentions.
When I get overly anxious, sometimes there really is no reason for it and for this I am praying about what to do. For now, I am trying to remember what I preach and seek God first.
One of the ways I work through crazy thoughts or emotions that I sometimes don’t know the full depth of, is writing, writing, writing.
Here are some things I asked myself a few days ago:
Why is my heart panging inside of my chest?
Why do I feel so nervous right now? I don’t understand…
Is it because of pressure? I don’t know.
Could it be the enemy? Maybe, I don’t know.
- It could be that I have only consumed one cup of mocha mint coffee and have not eaten anything solid yet. [insert laugh emoji here]
- It could be that I have been a bit on edge from the month’s craziness and it feels less mountaintop right now and more trench-like, if you will.
- It could also be yesterday’s leftover negatives trying to linger but alas, are about to get a swift kick in the derrière.
Life is hard at times and the enemy wants me to stay knocked down, but I am going to try a different approach starting today.
Starting today I want to quit with trying to keep control in my grasp, acting like I am strong and don’t have to deal with this heart-panging issue at times.
Today I also want to stop wallowing in the trenches and remember the Hero, Helper & Healer whom I serve. I want to climb out. I want God’s help!
A little blue book got popped into my mailbox yesterday and it is for such a time as this.
The first page had me. Like, froze in my seat – had me.
The words on the page that were sitting there staring back at me were not what I expected to bump into at first sight.
“I am tired of pretending I am good,” too.
Pretending is energy-draining, perhaps more than being weak in the first place.
I’ve always wanted to believe that though I am weak, there is a fighter inside of me Who is stronger than myself. And I do believe.
That is the Truth of why I have made it this far despite any hardship that has ever come my way. It was never my effort alone. It was Him. Still is.
I’ve longed to get back on my knees and just be, with Him, crying out in all my messy wondering. He isn’t afraid of me doing it, so why don’t I?
Why have I been avoiding it?
It’s time to hang up the boxing gloves and fight another way. Hands releasing a false sense of control over my life. White flag waving. Prayers rising. [Tweet this]
On the cover of Fear Fighting, the cage is empty. Because Jesus’ tomb is empty.
Visit: www.fearfightingbook.com by Kelly Balarie, blogger at Purposeful Faith and new author of Fear Fighting, awakening courage to overcome your fears.
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