It wasn’t her cup of tea to just sit down and play for hours on end with her kids. Or was it?
She had so many memories of her own mom playing play dough with her and siblings, helping out in the church nursery and VBS every year, and she had inherited her mother’s sense of humor for sure.
Actually, there were plenty of memories stored away where she remembered sitting on the floor with kids surrounding her.
Take those times she babysat frequently for another home school family. Or those times she would occupy all the little cousins at the family gatherings. Or when she would play with her friend’s two little munchkins before she ever had any kiddos of her own…
There were also the times she scampered around and used her imagination when playing with all her own kiddos plus her other friend’s kids..totaling like a bazillion kids altogether.
This happened when they were homeless for a time and her friend’s family so generously let them reside at their home until they figured things out.
There were many memories and experiences of setting aside a certain adult mindset of so-so and squeaky clean with only a tiny side of “fun.”
There were many of those that had been buried beneath loads of other life experiences, curtailed with bouts of stress and worries of failing those closest to her in her life.
Looking out the small kitchen window, she could see the delight in the kid’s eyes as they splished and sploshed and tossed more water out of the pool than was kept in.
The kids had been outside playing for hours in the new blow up pool they just got and she was concerned they may turn into California raisins by the afternoon. It was nice to have something right out back that they could enjoy without having to even leave the house.
They lived near a park and would sometimes take their school work there, but just to go out back and let the fun fly was totally worth all the hassle of, well..any hassle that comes with dealing with a blow up pool.
Quickly changing into her swim suit, she grabbed a towel and dashed out back to join in the fun.
Well, side fun.
The sun hit her face as she leaned back in the new lawn chair she bought for herself. It was the small things in life she was realizing.
Those small memorable moments that God blessed them with helped her remember it was a gift to be alive and it was okay to smile.
It wasn’t some sin to relax on occasion, to prop the feet up and take a deep breath. She had lived like fun was a sin, for too long. She had internally harbored feelings of jealousy and confusion and resentment towards her always-seemingly happy husband, and anyone else for that matter who wore a smile on their face for too long, when inside she had been hurting so much.
It was a thing she hated to admit, but this was one of those huge steps of growth she had been praying for.
She knew if her marriage was going to grow, if her kids were going to thrive, she had to start with herself first.
She had to stop trying to change everyone else and control circumstances.
She was determined to live in a fresh way but it could not be done on her own. She had tried for too long to be strong inside and all her family ended up with was a wife and mom who went through stages of shutting down to exploding in tears.
Communication was definitely a key factor, but it wasn’t just among them, it was between her and God too.
And it wasn’t that she wasn’t crying out to Him. The root lied somewhere between a wrong mindset of how God thought of her to wrong expectations she had placed on her and her husband,…their role in the world right now.
It was all unfolding slowly. She wish it were fast, but as it seemed, that wasn’t the way God worked. The nitty-gritty inner work done was grueling at times but light was about to shine where darkness once ruled.
You are reading Part 6 of
The Trucker’s Wife
If you are new to the series and want to start from the beginning, click here.
Copyright ©2016 by Meghan Weyerbacher
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( I hope you all have a blessed Christmas and New Year’s! We will continue #TeaAndWord January 31st 2017 and see where God leads. I need to get in prayer about direction for the linkup topic but will around here still, blogging on other days! I hope you have enjoyed this series so far!)