It was a chilly December day and I had enough faith in my pocket to believe big things for the gals on the other side of the screen, but was running low on my own oil.
We had been battling illness in our home for a month. My energy had been sucked out of my body and I was wearing guilt like a scarf, draped daintily around my neck just enough to keep my mind reeling over the same junk.
Worn from feeling sleep-deprived and defeated, I lamented on the carpet next to my bed.
Prayer doesn’t always look pretty and fervor doesn’t always appear fancy.
The enemy had been using my weakness against me. I had let my guard down by doing everything but soaking in God’s word in one of the most rough patches of our year.
But when you can’t find rest, and you are busy trying to take care of everyone and everything else it is hard ya know?
Laying our sweet puppy, Jack to his final rest while my husband was stranded in states far away was like the cherry on top this month. Then I got a phone call.
“They are just going to fly me back since the truck still isn’t fixed, hun,” My husband said matter-of-factly.
And they did. He got home safely, praise God. But it’s been one thing after another since that day.
It’s crazy when you are really going through the mill, how easily you can become discouraged if you forget to keep your eyes on the One who has it all figured out.
I had been letting anxiety and the guilt from it keep me pressed to the floor.
We had been here before though, not knowing how the bills would get paid due to unforeseen events that chip away at our savings fund.
God had never failed us before. Ever.
No more would I see going low as a bad thing.
“He loves it when we get clingy.”- Kelly Balarie of Fear Fighting.
My eyes widened and I am pretty sure I had my mouth gaped open when I read those words, just like when I read about how Kelly struggled with reading as a child.
Another battle she gets.
Our own daughter is in a struggle with this very thing, causing all my holy homeschooling plans to rip at the seams.
“When you’re a disaster-hunter like me, it is hard to find yourself, your future, and your God when all you can think about is what might unhinge.”
–Kelly Balarie, www.fearfightingbook.com | www.purposefulfaith.com
Toting around every worry, every family issue, every personal dent, real or imaginable in my own little pail, it has been a challenge to set down and grab hold of the hem of Hope.
What is going on here? Where did my faith go?
I’m forgetful a lot of times. Then by God’s grace I come to my senses…
So I got all messy and teary again and let myself let some people in. I became more honest with my husband. I called my mom and told her how lost I felt and she came right over. We sat on my couch and it was amazing.
When I realized there really was more than one option to educate my kids, it was like the lights turned on. I had felt so backed in a corner and all alone, afraid to share stress with peers.
I felt like a bottom feeder, like a robe hem clinger, as Kelly says in her book…
…but Jesus loves those. He loves us.
And so, I began to believe His plan may not be what I thought after all.
“..to believe is to relieve the tension of what is to come. You hand over your will and then rest arrives.”
– Kelly Balarie of Fear Fighting
Normally when I read the scriptures from the Bible I do not just flip it open and read where my eyes fall, but this day, the day I was eating the carpet of my bedroom floor feeling like the biggest loser, my Father hugged me and comforted me.
“For I have given rest to the weary and joy to all the sorrowing. (Then Jeremiah wakened. “Such sleep is very sweet!” he said.)
– Jeremiah 31:25-26
I laughed out loud when I read this just as I did when I pictured Kelly trying to snatch the end of Jesus’ garment as He was lifting into the sky. I would have joined her.
God is alive! He knows my deepest needs and longings and He doesn’t want to withhold them from me. He doesn’t want to give me cold, hard stone when I really want a fresh piece of home-baked bread!
Since that day when the atmosphere shifted in our home, I have felt remarkably filled up again. Like my oil is spilling up and over out of the tank and onto the pavement of life.
The fear-fighting armor is on. The badge of courage is pinned. And I am laying at Jesus’ feet, praising His sweet name.
We can face change. We can trust Him to tend to the things out of our control, again.
We can do this. Because God is with us.
Want to join us in the Fear Fight? Join the 4 Days to Fearless Challenge!
Meet Kelly Balarie, author of Fear Fighter:
Kelly is both a Cheerleader of Faith and a Fighter of Fear. She leans on the power of God, rests on the shoulder of Christ, and discovers how to glow in the dark places of life. Get all Kelly’s blog posts by email or visit her on her blog, Purposeful Faith. You can also find a variety of resources for your fight against fear at http://www.fearfightingbook.com/.
Author and Speaker, Kelly Balarie didn’t always fight fear – for a large part of her life, she
was controlled by it. Yet, in her book, Fear Fighting: Awakening Courage to Overcome Your Fears, with God, Kelly charts a new course. Join Kelly, on the journey to go and grow with Christ’s bravery, the Spirit’s counsel and God’s unending love that squelches fear. This book reads like a love letter from God, while offering practical heart-calming prayers, anxiety-reducing tips, and courage-building decrees that will transform your day.
Find this post linked up below:
This #FearFightingBook blog post is entered in Kelly Balarie’s writer contest. It is an awesome opportunity for aspiring authors. I have been writing and journaling since a child. The desire is so deeply rooted I will keep doing so, no matter the pay.
Having said that, I have a few stories on my heart as well as some fiction in the works. If you want to vote for me and help this calling to be a career too, I will be ever thankful.
Just click the link below and comment with my number: “11” and share with your friends!
Thanks for reading, friend – God bless!