Fear-fighting from rest, not from having all the answers.

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My last post was all true.  An amazing peace has swept my heart away.  I just talked to Matt on the phone about how in awe of God I am that things have totally taken a 180 from these past few months in our lives.

Mentally, emotionally, spiritually…even physically I have been motivated to eat better and work out daily for about 15 minutes of straight cardio like I used to when I was a fitness trainer (and it works!)

But what happened before that? What happened before a certain book entered my mailbox and before things started looking up?

Well, there was a lot of crying and lack of positivity in our home. I was very emotionally reactive. My feelings on my sleeve, I was led by them.

I never realized how much of an emotionally driven writer I was until after I read Kelly Balarie’s Fear Fighting book.

This led to a short blog break.

In this time that God has pulled me away to focus my energies on just being [and with Him, in each moment], I have felt relaxed and at peace.

It is not as easy for me to sling the words out onto the white screen when I feel at peace. Funny eh? Either way I felt drawn to write about where we are right now.

I wanna’ be like, “Hey, I feel awesome. It is hard to explain why. Almost too much for words. Just believe me and call it good. See you soon [hugs].

But God wants me to be brave and just say what I need to say, unedited and all, just like if you were here with me, friend to friend, over a nice bowl of soup and crackers.

I wrote here about how I was concerned about hopping back on, but then again if I am to do what I feel He is leading me to do I need not let fear cripple me.

I can trust that the times of rest are good and serve a purpose, that God will be in the other parts of the story too. – Tweet this

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Once again, to be honest, I hesitated writing this out. What I am about to say, I mean…because it seems almost too good to be true after I just shared part of my mommy meltdown with you all.

It has me shaking my head!

How could I bounce back so quickly?  Wouldn’t it be better to just avoid the topic and the “how I am doing,” for fear of sounding fake?

I can’t avoid it because it is who I am.  I tell the good, the bad and the u.g.l.y.

I will tell you, friend, I am doing well. Better than before. I have been so blessed by your prayers!!!!!!

So blessed and like I was pulled from the rubble of these past months.

God caused the rubble to have a purpose. He took what the enemy wanted to use to cripple me, and made it actually have a use! – Tweet

 

  • All the moments I thought I couldn’t handle this life any longer.
  • All the moments I questioned if I was [still] doing the “right” thing with my kids.
  • All the moments I missed my husband so badly I couldn’t see the good right then. That I must “fix” this life we have somehow made for ourselves. That maybe we got it wrong. Maybe we hadn’t heard right. ( How many times have I heard this by the way…to many to count!)

 

But God orders our steps.

“The LORD directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?”

– Proverbs 20:24 NLT

 

 

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By: Hopeful Design Co. made summer of ’16

 

 

 

When people ask, “What are you going to do?” Sometimes it takes telling people you don’t have the immediate answers, but that it’s going to be okay. And then you believe it even more yourself after the words come out.

“Faith literally makes a way.” #wordpower #movingmountains – Tweet the truth

You speak hope and life, you will reap it. You speak despair and death, you reap that.

I listened to the enemies lies. Let them get louder than God’s there for a while.  Let doubts steal my peace instead of continuing to walk in faith, trusting God would take care of the rest while I was doing my part in this blessed gift-of-a-life I have been given. I was about to give up on homeschooling. I was about to give up on trusting God for seeing us through.  I was formulating my own plan.

I went to some dark places mentally. I was not fixed on God.  I now realize how bad it gotten because I guess I was in so deep the red flags weren’t even visible anymore. But it got bad enough I finally told someone.

I thought I was the only Christian who struggled. Isolation and all that ugly stuff the enemy feeds you makes you think you are the only one. After I told someone what I going through, they showed compassion. I saw I wasn’t alone. That I wasn’t crazy or past the point of Hope in my situation.

 

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When you open up, the light pierces the darkness. Sword in the stone. Sword in the hardened. In the weary. In the hopelessness. – Tweet this

 

God’s Sword, His Words, cut into the crap [literally] of the enemy and finally one becomes free in that area by the Truth of that Word and the Grace from the Father, which is all stronger than all the forces of Hell against us combined.

 

God’s Grace & Truth cuts into the enemy’s crap-loaded lies. – or Tweet this

Lies like, “Meghan, you heard God wrong and have completely wasted precious time. There’s no way you all will ever catch up.” Or, “This situation you are in, having no car for weeks on end, deciding to keep homeschooling for the rest of this year,…people are just going to ______ or you all will end up _____.”

I don’t even know what I would put there now but not long ago there was cosmic junk floating in that space.

When I thought I had to have all the answers, for our future, education and replies to good-intended folk, I was literally gripped with fear, ready to do anything just to have answer.

But when I live from a place of, “God’s got it, don’t worry about me friend. I don’t so why should you?” stance – the peace just expands inside of me.

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I shared this meme before last year and I feel led to share it again, only I think it would have served me well to have tacked this up in my room at the foot of my bed so when I open my eyes it would be the first thing I would see!

quote

In realizing not everything depends on me, the Holy Spirit gently beacons me to call on the Father to move. Move where I can not see. Where I can not go.  He is all-knowing, all-present and ever capable.

Where I am weak, HE is strong.

This is the truth which rang in my lie infused ears recently.  

Like a good friend knocking on your door to see how you are doing in the wake of an emergency, so words are #truth are. –Tweet 

 

Fear Fighting, the little blue book with the empty bird cage which made me think of Jesus’ empty tomb, came at a time when God knew I needed it.

  • I read that book and felt not-so-defeated.
  • I read that book and remembered Hope.
  • I remembered I loved reading the Bible, that it was not a burden.
  • I remembered I loved spending time with God and writing my thoughts and prayers down and living my days out of that.
  • I remembered God was mightier than ol’ slue foot.
  • I remembered I was not the only one who had been trapped in a dark place before and had to call out for help to be rescued.
  • I remembered I didn’t have to hide.
  • I remembered what awesome and blessed things awaited me away from the demands of the world and in the very presence of my Father.

I really wanted to use bullet points today, can you tell?

One day maybe I will go further into how dark that place was because maybe there is someone out there who needs to know they are not alone too. Right now I want to sing!

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Praising the Father Releases Inner Peace

I can praise my Father and He will lift me up. Did you know the Bible says He dwells where praise utters from our lips? (see Psalm 22:3)

This is good news for a mom of 3 who feels the sting of loneliness frequently.  

Relearning how to let God fill up all those places in my heart where I am vulnerable for attack, is huge.

“As I praise, He fills. As I trust, He assures me. As I still my heart, He does the fighting for me.” #fearfighter – Tweet 

 

 

Peace is a fruit of the Spirit. Being at peace gives way to more fruit.  I am not sure why I put a photo of my animals right in the middle of talking about peace. Maybe it’s because they bring me peace too.

I can see why the enemy doesn’t want Christian’s hearts and minds at peace and at ease. We get a lot done when we are not confused, bogged down, and have energy and vision!

Where I thought all was hopeless, Hope came crashing in.  I don’t know exactly how my kid’s school year will be next year but I do know this: right now in this moment, God is here.  He is helping us.

 

AMPC Proverbs 16:3
“Roll your works upon the Lord [commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will, and] so shall your plans be established and succeed.”

Prayers are being answered. I am seeing it with my own eyes.

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Our nine year old daughter had numerous days this January of 2017 where she chose to try and practice reading without me even having to ask let alone, plead.
Progress has been made, almost so much that is has made up for the end of November-December where we took blow after blow in our home and thought we were “done for.”
Things aren’t perfect. Even today just before I was going to write and share with you how God moved, was a hard Monday.
But God was in it and He has helped me how to remember to look for His goodness even in the valley days.

I am surrendering the perfect this and the perfect that as He calls me into rest[oration] this 2017.  It sure takes a load off. I am His. You are too.

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God bless you if you stuck around through this uber-long piece.  It means so much to me that you care enough to see what God is up to in my life.  He is up to good in yours too, friend. I am praying for you!

Love in Christ,

meghan2


Linking up today, here:

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10 thoughts on “Fear-fighting from rest, not from having all the answers.

  1. Dear Meg, I am so blessed to see the ways that God is bringing Restoration and Wonder to you. What great words for the New Year. You are a breath of fresh air, when you share so openly from your heart. And I love that Elisabeth Elliot quote! Her words were such a help to me, my daily “gotta have these 15 minutes to start my day Devotional Break” as I listened to her radio show when I was homeschooling back in the ’90’s. Every Thursday night, I was sure that we were going to quit Homeschooling, but every Friday, God would infuse me with His Hope to continue. I’m so glad that He gives us just what we need: moment by moment. Thanks for your good reminders to keep trusting God and to leave the results with Him! I have missed your words, my friend! xoxo

    1. I really did (do) “feel” like I am going crazy at times and it’s funny how the pendulum can swing so far from one extreme to the other. It is good to know other homeschooling moms understand, not because I am glad it’s hard but you know–to have that empathy from another adult human lol!! I appreciate your words, Bettie – they always lift me up and give me what I need to hear. Words from Jesus to keep me going. Love you and praying. Have a blessed week!

    2. I really did (do) “feel” like I am going crazy at times and it’s funny how the pendulum can swing so far from one extreme to the other. It is good to know other homeschooling moms understand, not because I am glad it’s hard but you know–to have that empathy from another adult human lol!! I appreciate your words, Bettie – they always lift me up and give me what I need to hear. Words from Jesus to keep me going. PS: I never knew she had a radio show wow. I love Elisabeth Elliot. In fact, I was so in love God-folk and missionaries as a teenager, I chose to study her and her husband’s journey as one of my electives. I treasure faith-filled stories! Love you and praying. Have a blessed week!

  2. I’m so glad God sent you relief, Meg. Yes, God’s got us! It may be so hard sometimes, but He’s still got us! I love this truth – “God caused the rubble to have a purpose. He took what the enemy wanted to use to cripple me, and made it actually have a use!” Amen! May God give you strength for each day!

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